If you ask the average person on the street to list the “primary emotions,” anger will be one of the first examples they offer. Understand why: it’s raw. It’s overwhelming. It seems like it’s coming from far away, from some instinctive place. For most people, anger is the more real everyone’s excitement because he’s so confident. There is no wrong anger.
Although anger has a negative connotation these days, it is there for a reason. All emotions have a purpose. If they did not, emotions as a physiological category would not have arisen and would not have survived millions of years of evolution. An emotion is an adaptation to an environmental condition. Anger exists because it promotes — or promotes — a survival advantage. Those animals that felt something approaching anger outnumbered those that did not. This is what shrinks.
On the surface, anger is a self-protective adaptation. By showing anger, we show a capacity for aggressive action against those who threaten us or our tribe, and the most socially cunning and reasonable people (and even many animal predators) will retreat in most situations. Anger, in this way, is part of the system of “counterweights” inherent in our social contracts. Give the other party a break to consider whether it’s really worth invading.
But like other emotions, anger is also an internal messenger. When we feel anger around us, this is an internal signal that a line has been crossed. Maybe someone has threatened or harmed a loved one. You may have become aware of an injustice. And when a line has been crossed, anger is your signal to act: to defend yourself, your family, your integrity, your home, or your ideals.
Unfortunately, the line is not always worth defending. Sometimes we get messy and feel angry about something silly. One line has been crossed, but it was a ridiculous line that does not objectively deserve an answer. Here’s what we need to find out and manage: why are we angry and what can we do about it?
Certainly you can’t ignore it. The visceral energy of anger is remarkably lasting. Because it is a fact. It exists. It will come out. The lines will be broken. Most of us no longer live in the same ancestral environment where unfiltered gross anger makes obvious sense, but it will arise anyway. We deceive ourselves if we believe we are immune to their inherent human strength. How can we keep it controlled enough by not to frustrate our own well-being or break the law? How can we control or manage it, even channel it? In short, how can we have and express a deserved anger without letting ourselves be burned?
Tips for managing anger (why not manage it):
Practice conscience, and bring that deep awareness to anger as it increases.
It is not about abandoning society. It’s just a matter of being aware of how you feel and how those feelings develop in you. To do this, we learn to stop identifying with our feelings and come to observe them. Mindfulness practices here it can be essential. And it doesn’t have to be as complicated as an hour’s meditation. Alternatives exist. The “count to ten and take a deep breath” that you tell children trying to control their anger also works with adults.
Get back in your body while you’re at it.
Use your conscience to feel red in the face. Observe the removal of blood from your limbs. Feel the emotional force that rises in our abs or presses to your forehead. Then breathe in those sensations, disarming each one before they fade into uncontrolled rage. With practice, we can reduce anger (when we consider it unproductive) by suddenly not trying to manipulate ourselves emotionally, but by focusing fully on and addressing the physical “symptoms”.
Ask him out well if he is no longer absorbed in the connection.
Taking a step back in the heat of the moment, or better yet before anger really erupts, to objectively assess the merits of your anger can make a big difference. Long trip? Sure, this is annoying, but is it worth it to get angry? Who does it help? What adaptive effect does anger have? Remember, anger is supposed to be beneficial. It is supposed to trigger positive results, actions.
Keep it up.
Follow the thread of your anger to determine who or why you are really angry. If you’re upset about your long journey, are you upset about the traffic? The other drivers? Your boss? Probably not. Maybe you’re angry with yourself for putting yourself in that position. You see it? Now let’s go somewhere.
Or maybe you’re upset about something you’ve seen in the news. Some politician said something, and now your day is ruined. What is this? What the hell are you doing to yourself? How can you avoid this kind of anger in the future? Politicians always say and do outrageous things. What if — stop talking to me now — stop listening?
Strengthen your line.
Do you remember how anger is an emotional reaction to a perceived breach of your line?
Our lines are porous these days. While most ancient humans did significant work, they did a lot of free time, he slept when it got dark, ate whole natural foods and knew nothing of what happened in the next village, the standard basic setting for modern human being is a lot of chronic stress, lack of sleep, poor diets, excessive news consumption, incomplete jobs and an altered and discordant lifestyle. In many ways, our lives are more difficult and we are more susceptible to anger than ever before. We know more and therefore we have more to be angry about, and when we get angry, we are less equipped to deal with it.
One thing is for your family to be threatened. That always deserves anger. This cannot be avoided. But if you find yourself blasting for silly things on a regular basis, or whatever, you need to strengthen your line. Maintain your micronutrient intake, exercise regularly, get enough sleep, manage stress, take care of business in general, limit your news intake, find a higher purpose or power to strive for: these are the reference interventions against anger.
Find healthy ways out of aggression.
Modern life can keep us calm, or subject, depending on how you look at it. Some people do it well, while others just don’t. Your quick temper may be a sign that you are not excited about the physical risk and adventure that you inherently crave. It’s okay to feel aggressive, but you need to steer in a healthy direction. Instead of picking on strangers in the parking lot, try martial arts, boxing lessons, or competitive sports.
Transmute your anger.
Anger is energy, not satisfaction. The energy without direction that has to go somewhere, has to be expressed. If there are things in your life that you don’t care about, that frustration can explode as anger, often in response to something that is otherwise irrelevant or minor. It directs the energy in slow fire inside towards a productive output.
Thanks for reading, everyone. How did you learn to manage your anger? What role does it play in your day-to-day running?
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