By the time Dr. Karin Nordin came out of the so-called Zoom, she knew she had made a crucial mistake.
It was his first coaching session with a new client and from the first moment, things felt a little off.
The client (let’s call her Dierdre) was excited. Within minutes, tears were shed.
And when Dr. Nordin offered advice, Dierdre quickly turned it down.
It was then that Nordin, a person with a gentle and experienced professional character, did something out of character:
He got angry.
Instead of applying her technical knowledge, she found herself shot at Deirdre, defying her excuses and trying to force her to change.
Naturally, the more insistent Nordin became, the more obstinate he became Deirdre.
When she closed the laptop, Dr. Nordin knew for sure … that the client would not return.
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What do you do when it screws on?
It turns out you can learn from Dr. Nordin’s experience.
Nordin is a PN certified trainer, Precision Nutrition Curricular Advisor and PhD in Health Communication.
He is also considered a professional for making mistakes. Well, not only do you make mistakes, but you grow from them.
His academic and professional experience lies in something called a growth mindset, which sees mistakes and failures as springboards for improvement.
(And yes, the term “growth mindset” is practically a cliché today, but it is a real psychological discipline based on research and from which we can all benefit.)
This is how Dr. Nordin withdrew from her mistake and how you can do the same.
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Step 1. If you feel compelled to fix it Right Now… just wait.
Do you know that almost bearded feeling you get when you spoil?
Dr. Nordin hears it too. After his conversation with Dierdre, “I felt vomit and brutality for a while. I kept thinking, ‘I handled it so badly, that’s the worst.’ “
Although his natural impulse was to try to fix his mistake, he chose to wait 24 hours before acting.
“We want to be able to react in a neutral state or as neutral as possible,” he explains. “And that can take a while.”
In other words, the classic sleeping tip still applies. Of course, this can mean a bit of discipline (especially if your tendency is to fix things right away).
“I knew I would be thinking about it while I’m in bed at night,” Nordin says, “but with a little distance I was able to respond to the situation much better.”
Takeaway: Your inclination may be to try to do things right, right away. But don’t rush. You will probably respond from a quieter and more rational space the next day.
Step 2. Practice radical responsibility.
Much of coaching helps clients recognize the autonomy and control they have over their decisions and actions.
This is empowering: clients are beginning to realize that they have what it takes to change their habits and achieve their goals.
This same principle also applies to coaches. Especially after we ran into each other.
“I find it very helpful to take a‘ radical responsibility ’perspective,” Nordin says.
“Regardless of the situation, I say to myself: let’s pretend this for a moment 100 percent of that is my fault. Then, on that basis, I ask myself: what can I do about it? “
Depending on your mistake, the answer may be obvious.
For example, if you have given a customer information that has turned out to be incorrect, simply take charge of the error and provide them with the correct details.
But even if the mistake was more worthy, Nordin says recognition is still a good way to go.
In Dierdre’s case, Nordin waited 24 hours and then wrote an email that went like this:
Hi Dierdre,
I know our conversation has warmed up a lot and I apologize for that. What you do in your life is 100% of your choice, not mine.
I fully understand that you do not want to go ahead with the training and I have refunded your deposit.
Thank you for your time. I wish you all the best in all your future endeavors.
Takeaway: Resist the temptation to blame the customer, deny the mistake, justify it, or sweep it under the rug. Assume ownership of your actions and do everything possible to correct the evil. This approach is not only more professional, but also provides more power.
Step 3. Look for the opportunity to grow.
Once you’ve done the right thing on behalf of the client, consider what you can learn from experience.
“My mistake taught me a lot about my coaching practice and how to market myself as a behavior change coach,” Nordin says.
Your biggest accomplishment?
That he hadn’t adequately communicated to Dierdre what he could expect in his coaching session. “I think I was expecting someone to just listen to him and help him solve emotional issues, while my training is more about changing habits.”
What if, customer resistance it is a normal part of change. But if Nordin had given Dierdre a better idea of what his coaching behavior usually entails, they could have avoided the conflict.
“It was not Deirdre’s fault. A lot of people don’t know what behavior change training is all about, ”adds Nordin. “I need to do a better job helping people understand what to expect when they work with me.”
Takeaway: Don’t blame yourself for your mistake. Instead, focus on how you can use it as a learning experience. Try at least one thing that you will improve or do differently next time.
Step 4. Be curious about yourself.
In addition to professional growth, mistakes can be an opportunity to better understand ourselves.
Of course, sometimes mistakes are just mistakes, caused by inexperience or lack of knowledge. But they often point to areas where we can delve deeper.
“That’s especially the case if you become a boss,” Nordin says. “For example, if you are repeatedly aggravated or have it, you may be projecting your problems to the client.”
After the situation with Dierdre, Dr. Nordin wondered, “Why did I get so angry?”
In the end, he decided that his emotional outburst had been caused by some personal problems he had been neglecting.
So, being the person with a growing mindset, he decided to explore them with a therapist.
Takeaway: Do some honest self-reflection. Of course, “sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.” (It’s a quote from Sigmund Freud, in case you’ve never seen it.)
On the other hand, some mistakes (especially repeated ones) could serve as an alarm clock or even personal advancement.
Yes, mistakes can happen right now. But if you can approach it with curiosity, an open mind and a dose of compassion, they may make you a better coach and a happier person.
If you are a coach or want to be …
Learning to train clients, patients, friends or family through healthy eating and lifestyle changes, in a way that is personalized to their body, preferences and circumstances, is both an art and a science.
If you want to learn more about both things, keep that in mind Precision nutrition level 1 certification.
