“I’ll be happy when I fit in with my old Levi’s.”
(Really did make your ass look good.)
Have you ever said something like that?
Or how about:
“I’ll be happy when I get a six-figure income.”
“I’ll be happy when my son gets into a good college.”
“I am just happy to be here my person.”
The truth is that most of us have a belief like this that floats in our psyche.
If you’re a coach, you’ve probably seen it too:
Customers who believe they will only be happy when they achieve a certain weight, body fat percentage or athletic success.
“Do you enjoy the trip? Pfft. It’s about the destination, ”they say.
Of course, some desire to cross the finish line is normal and they are fine.
And hey, having goals is amazing.
Goals give you a sense of purpose and direction and encourage you to grow beyond your previous abilities to become a better version of yourself. In addition, research shows that goal setting is a sign of trust, commitment, autonomy, and motivation.1.2
The problem is that some people delay their happiness forever a better life is always not more on the horizon.
But in this article we will deal with this counterintuitive fact:
Achieving a goal will not always make you happy.
In fact, focusing too The result of your goals can make you lose the potential you have for happiness right now.
If you think it could be you (or a customer), check out the quick three-step process below.
This quick exercise will benefit everyone who feels:
- I like his life is on hold until they have achieved their goal
- Just like your goal is making them miserable
- Worried about his goal it may not be sustainable, not even possible
Does it sound familiar to you? Keep reading.
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Enjoy more of your goals (and your life) in three steps.
These steps are a mix of “thoughtful” work, to raise awareness of your beliefs and behaviors, and of “doing” work. (Tip: It’s the doing which will really change these limiting beliefs and behaviors).
Thinky-brain and doing-body, active!
Step 1: Find out what your beliefs are “I’ll be happy when …”.
Grab a piece of paper and brainstorm all your beliefs about “I’ll be happy when …”.
You may have many.
For example:
“I will be happy when …
- … I have visible abs. “
- … I move to a bigger house. “
- … I finish the first five places of my next triathlon ”.
Everything goes.
Once you’ve done a proper brain drain, choose one from the list to focus on, preferably the one that feels most important and urgent.
Step 2: Find out how you’ve been holding back.
Now it’s time to do some digging.
Think about:
What are they all things you expect to do or feel until you reach your goal?
Not only are they the things that excite you, but you still don’t “allow” yourself to have them.
For example: “Once you are 20 pounds lighter, …
- … let me wear the clothes I like “.
- … starts dating again. “
Or: “Once I make six figures, I will …
- … I feel successful. “
- … starts taking off on weekends “.
Or: “Once you know my soul mate, …
- … finally, have confidence “.
- … go on a Mediterranean cruise “.
Most likely, a series of things will appear (some trivial and some very significant) that you won’t let yourself experience. Probably because of a belief that you don’t deserve to do or feel these things until you’re “better.”
Well, we have a surprise for you …
Step 3: Stop waiting and live.
Once you’ve realized that you’ve been left behind feeling good about yourself and doing all these fun and meaningful things, you can explain why you’ve been so impatient. go there now.
You can also explain why you may not have enjoyed the process to reach your goal.
Somewhere inside, there is a part of you that believes that your life can’t really begin until you reach your goal. And that good things aren’t supposed to happen to you until you’re thinner, faster, stronger, or more successful.
It can be an awkward finding. Discovering this belief can make you feel sad, relieved, angry, or any combination of emotions.
You may want to take some time to undo these sensations. However, nothing creates more significant changes than action.
So choose the next simplest and lowest tangible step to start living and feeling the way you want.
For example:
- Create a dating profile, using images of his appearance at this time.
- Buy shorts, a muscle tank, a dress suit or any other piece of clothing you’ve been waiting to wear (depending on your size) and wear it with pride.
- Think about how you are now successfully: Are you excited to show up for work? This is a success!
- Standing tall say nice things to yourself about your dignity as a person.
- Book a fun solo weekend trip for yourself. (It’s not a Mediterranean cruise, but it’s a start.)
Bottom line: Let yourself feel and do the things you would do if you achieved your goal, even though you haven’t gotten it yet.
This may seem awkward. But with a little practice, you will discover …
Happiness is not the effect of achieving goals. It is the cause.
Once you stop holding back, your goal may be less important. (Maybe your happiness doesn’t depend on fitting into these jeans, after all).
Or maybe the goal is it’s still important, but enjoy the steps you need to take to get there more now that you’re no longer stopping your life.
Either way, you’ll probably find that, whether you’ve achieved your goal or not, you’re starting to behave, live, and feel as the kind of person who would get it.
Because while achieving a goal feels good, people usually don’t want the goal result as much as they want to be. the type of person who achieves this result.
You can’t just make an X weight. You are a fit person.
Your son didn’t just become an Ivy League. You are a good father.
You don’t just make six figures. You are a smart and capable professional.
You didn’t just win the race. You are a winner.
This is the secret of why the above process works. Because, even if you’ve reached your own personal goal, your identity is starting to change toward the kind of person you’ve always wanted to be.
Because?
You’re doing the things this kind of person would do.
The best part?
Don’t wait any longer.
You are just living.
References
Click here to see the sources of information referred to in this article.
If you are a coach or want to be …
Learning to train clients, patients, friends or family through healthy eating and lifestyle changes, in a way that is personalized to their body, preferences and circumstances, is both an art and a science.
If you want to learn more about both things, keep that in mind Precision nutrition level 1 certification.
